So what am I blogging for? What do I want from this? Didnt I just come here on a case? Didnt i only create this profile to get a foot in? So why then have I come out from behind the newspaper held high with the little holes cut for eyes? What about this medium has made me want to express when I never normally would?
Sussed it. Too clever not to figure this internal shit out. I'm writing here hoping that one day someone will try and crack me. Try and track me down, find out what's going on inside me. Gotta have a dream I guess.
I spend more than a 9-5 paid well to find things out about people (and people say the trade is dead! Thriving more than ever I would say). I spend all my time following clues and assessing contexts, rooting through bins, following people to the supermarket and dry cleaners and petrol stations and all the other dull places they go, following them and snapping the odd photo that might reassure the hubby that wife is faithful, that might reassure wife that her husband isnt gay, that son isnt sleeping with his cello teacher etc etc. Dig deep and reassure people, thats what I do. Why is no-one interested in finding out what I might know about them? What I am up to in my spare time? They would soon find out I am just a sad case with no fucking secrets of his own.
My dream is this: I wish my wife would log onto this site. I wish something mystical would draw her to this blog. She would read the blogs, make the connections and see who I really am and what I know without me having to confront her and upset her. She would see things from my point of view without me having to assert my opinion in that noisy house when no sentence has time to be finished let alone heard. We would find each other, discover each other again through this medium, safe here away from the domesticities that make us dull and boring. Fingers crossed.
Blogging like a bitch and truth is that my wife hates me and my dreams will never come true.