A man shouldn't know that his wife has slept with 8 of her female friends. A man shouldn't know this. It's just too hard to take. Sit in my car staring at the dashboard before I go in the house these days, trying to block information from my brain. Trying to blot out the things that I shouldn't have strived so hard to find out. Block it all out and try and play happy daddy with the family.
A man shouldn't know that his eldest daughter is seeing a man 3 times her own age. Pretty young angel giving a 39 year old man a blow job in his car after school. God, i want to smash my fists through the fibre of the world and the worst part is that I cant. I dont act out, i am not loud, aggressive nor confontational. I know how it feels for others when someone makes a scene, when someone goes ape shit and starts throwing shit around. Its not nice. Occupational hazzard, I just sit quiet and observe with absolutley no physical reaction. The route of my ulcers, cramps and migranes according to my doctor. Stress. Right.
The things I shouldn't know shatter my emotions into fragments till I can no longer sweep myself up as easily as I used to.